Who Am I

My schedule has been very full lately. Going back to school is much more difficult than I ever imagined, especially as I also try to keep up with all of my other perceived duties. I know that sometimes we all take on more than we should. At least I do, I have that desire to please those around me. And there is also a need to prove myself; I don’t have a college degree so I have to prove to others that I do have intelligence and capabilities. Right now I don’t have a job, so I have to prove to everyone that I am not lazy, and that I do have value.
There is so much that I feel that I have to prove to others that I have forgotten what is important to me. I have gone so long down this road of trying to please those around me. And trying to do what I was supposed to do that I am not even sure what is important to me anymore.
I wrote earlier of finding my dreams, I am still looking, but I think I am on the right path. Through my daily devotional, and opening my heart to hear God when he speaks, I know that I will find my way. And once I do get on that right path I trust that the pieces will fall into place and there will be no doubt that I am walking down the road that he intended for me to travel.

Finding our Purpose

I know that God has a purpose and a plan for my life, and I also believe that if I follow that plan or path that he has chosn for me that I will be rewarded. Not necessiarly with riches and things but much greater rewards.

I pray regularly that God will show me the way and that I will open my heart and follow him down that path. It is a struggle, after all we were also given free will. We can make our own choices, and choose our own way. But if we will just let go and let God take the lead, our life's journey would take us down roads that we never imagined.

"'Do Your Own Thing'

'Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.'
E. H. Chapin"

So therefore when we do our own thing, this action affects not only ourselves but it is sometimes far reaching so we should always think before w act, or look before we leap.

Leap of Faith

As I read my daily devotional, I came to better understand and realize what I have know all along. If I pray about it, and trust in God to provide the answer to my prayer then he will also show me the way to achieve it.

So today I pray that my dreams of writing are not only my dreams, but also God's plan. I pray that he will put the words on my heart that he would have written so that maybe, just maybe someone will be touched by those words. And it will help them in some way, as the writings of others have helped me so much through my own trials, troubles and joys.

Light

I turned off the lamp on my desk and closed my computer and was instantly plunged into total darkness. It was then that I started to regret my decision not to plug in the night light lamp back in earlier that day. It stayed on all the time; so on those nights that I came upstairs to work at my desk, there was always a light to guide my way.
As I felt my way to the door, I could see a glimmer of light from downstairs. I knew that if I followed that light I would find my way out of the room. As I thought of this, it occurred to me that it is much the same way in our spiritual lives. We can choose to plug into the light or we can stumble around in darkness trying to find the way on our own. The light of Jesus is always there, all we have to do is “plug it in”. There is no charge per kilowatt. He gives freely of all that he has to offer, if we will only ask for it and trust that it will be given.
It is so easy to trust in that outlet in the wall. We know if we plug our lamps and night lights into it there will be light. Why is it then that we have so much difficulty in trusting in the one true light? It is always there, never failing. There are no brown outs or power shortages with Jesus. It is always there whatever the voltage needed, it is supplied. You don’t get a bill at the end of each month charging you for the amount of power you used. That bill was paid in full many years ago.
So many times it seems we have to be plunged into a spiritual darkness before we seek the outlet and allow his light to shine and guide our paths. Just as I done with my lamp, I didn’t need it during the day when I was rearranging my office, so therefore I didn’t plug it in. There was no longer a place for it in the room. When things in our lives are going well, there is no place for Jesus. Going to church and Sunday school is a bother. We have too many other things going on to make a place for the one true light.
I knew my way around and found my way out of the room, but if there had been just a tiny little bulb burning it would have been much easier and I could have made my way without stumbling and feeling the way as I went.
Yes, we can make it on our own without help, but if we will bring his light into our lives, then we won’t have to stumble and feel our way. He will light our path and guide through the rooms of our lives.
There will always be trials, problems and sometimes even chaos in our lives. Accepting Christ doesn’t mean that everything will be perfect. It does mean we won’t have to go through those trials alone and in that acceptance and trust there is an assurance that there will always be a light to bring you through the darkness.
I found a place for my night light so I won’t have to worry about stubbing a toe or knocking into a piece of furniture during the night as I make my usual middle of the night visit to my office. My other light, the one that guides me each day, is always plugged in and the bulb will never burn out. That is the one true and constant thing that I know I can depend on each and every day.

New Dreams

My last entry was about dreams. I realized that I had stopped dreaming, I thought I had gotten too old and there was no time left for dreams to be fulfilled.

I was so wrong.

My life is not over and I have time to dream and time for my dreams to be fulfilled. I ahve started writing and it has helped me to rid myself of some of the deamons that have been ruling my life.

I am over fifty, and I am going back to school. It is scary but I am determined to finally get that degree that I should have gotten so many years ago. It won't be easy but it will be worth it, if for no other reason to prove to myself that I can do it.

I lost my job December 2008, and I know that there are those who beleive that if I were really trying I could have found something. I disagree, it is much easier to find a new job if you still have one. It is especially difficult to explain that you were terminated without real cause, but you believe you would be an asset to the proposed new employer. I have sent resume after resume, I have gone on interviews and even a few second interviews. But it seems that no one is willing to give me the opportunity to prove what I can do.

I allowed all of the negative to seep into my soul and take over and it stopped me from dreaming, and making plans. I feel as if I am in limbo, I am afraid to make plans, in hopes that I will be working and unable to carry out said plans. But the worst thing I did was allow myself to stop dreaming.

With encouragement from my sister I have started to write about my journey through life and the many obstacles I have faced, and how my faith brought me through to the other side. By doing this I am finding that I can still dream, and there is always hope. I believe that I had to look at how far I had come, to realize how far I can still go.

Dreams

"‎'A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.'- John Barrymore" I feel as though I have stopped dreaming. I regret that I did not follow my dreams of years past and I am going to start dreaming again and this time I will follow those dreams.