Take Time for Rest

As I read my daily devotional this morning, it seemed as if the writer were speaking directly to me. In fact I think she may have been me. The topic was about not getting enough rest and not sleeping.

Lately I have been running around like mad trying to get what seems like a million things done. And I can't let anyone down so I agree to take on whatever project I am asked to do. I am trying to study for finals,yes I am in school, then there are special services at church, special services at friends churches that I want to attend, my mother wants me to help decorate, and all the while I wonder when I am going to do my own decorations and I can't forget the baking and the candy making. Do you see what I mean?

There is just not enough time to get it all done. But I also realized that even if I were given more hours in the day, I am only one person and I cannot physically do it all. In fact after going nonstop for almost two weeks, God ordered a mandatory rest period, a sinus infection that forced me to stop and rest. So now what do I do? I have lost even more time and the list did not get shorter.

I have to decide what to cross off the list, and not do. But most importantly, I have to realize that even if I don't get it all done, I am not a failure, just human. So I may not get my own Christmas tree up this year, but spending time with my mom decorating at her house will be much more enjoyable and memorable.

So don't wish for more time, because having more hours in the day would only prove to make you more exhausted. Do what you can and the rest will work out.

Holiday Sadness

As I mentally check off one more item on my long list of “to do’s” I ask myself if this is really how I should be preparing for Christmas. Each year I haul down the boxes of decorations, and work for days filling every nook and cranny of the house with things that say Christmas. But do they really say Christmas, or is it my futile attempt to force festiveness into my world? I used to say that all the decorating was to get me in the mood for the holiday. But I think it is really more of a mask to cover the real mood. I have tried for years to force feed myself a huge meal of Christmas joy and happiness. The overall belief was that if I covered every available space with garland and lights that maybe the sadness would be covered as well.
I have planned and executed parties for housefuls of guests, cooking, cleaning and of course decorating. But after it was all over the sadness and emptiness returned like some unwanted guest that refused to leave. No matter how busy I kept myself, and no matter how much money I spent it was always there.
Those that know me may equate these feelings of sadness with the loss of my son. And yes, that does amplify it a great deal. But honestly those feelings were there before Wayne died. Growing up I always saw Christmas as a magical time, a time when dreams could come true and wishes were granted. I still wanted to believe in Santa Claus after I was all grown up. I finally understand that there is no Santa Claus, but there is someone much more wonderful than even Santa. Someone that I can depend on no matter what date is on the calendar. And the most special gift of all has already been given and it didn’t matter if we were naughty or nice. The only requirement for receiving it is that we ask for it.

Have We Forgotten the Real Reason for the Season?

Christmas is the time that we should celebrate the birth of Jesus. He is the reason for the season, not the presents, food, or the parties. We seem to have forgotten this most important reason. It has become a time for the retailers to make their profit for the year, and children look forward to receiving all the gifts on those long lists they have given to Santa. We stress about how we are going to fit it all in, when we should be rejoicing in the birth of our savior.
It is also a time of sadness for many, and I hear it said by some that they will be glad when it is all over. And I know personally that it can be a very sad time, a time of year that the loss of a loved one is magnified. But we must move on and rejoice in knowing that those loved ones are with God and that we will see them again one day. To me life would be meaningless and not worth living without that belief.
It is my prayer for everyone to live everyday as if it were Christmas, and rejoice in God’s love each and every day. Who says that we can only have turkey and dressing at Thanksgiving, and the only time of year I can eat coconut pie is Christmas. And the only time of year that we visit long forgotten relatives is between Thanksgiving and Christmas. If we could live our lives as if every day were a holiday just imagine how wonderful it might be. I don’t mean the decorations or the presents. But the wonder and love that comes with celebrating the birth of our savior.

Friendships

We all like to think that we know and understand ourselves, and many believe that they know their friends and some even study their “enemies”. But the only one who truly knows us from the inside out is God. We try to impress others with our things, and good deeds. But the best way to impress is to live a godly life and follow the teachings of the Bible.
We develop and cultivate friendships based on what is in it for us. How can this person help me in reaching my goals? And so many times once they have outlived their usefulness we leave them by the wayside.
I watch a lot of television, much of it is reality TV. And from watching this reality I have seen one underlying theme. The ends justify the means. Week after week these people will lie, scheme and backstab all in the name of “the game”. They will go before the camera, and state that this is not who I really am, but I am doing it for the game. If you are willing to do whatever it takes on national television, then I have no doubt that you will do the same thing when millions are not looking. What has happened to Do unto Others as You Would Have Done unto You? Our society has become so desensitized and to this type of behavior, that it is becoming accepted as normal and correct.
I know that I am rambling, but I think what I am trying to say is that we should treat others as we want to be treated, and we should make friends for the sake of having friends.

Healing Wounds

As I read my devotional this morning I began to see myself in a new way. I see that I not only wear the pain and scars as an armor to protect me but also as a badge. Yep, I am proud of my scars and I want the world to know what I have lived through and risen above. But as long as I carry them with me I have not risen above them I am holding on and using them as an excuse when things go wrong.
I have asked for God’s forgiveness, but I have failed to forgive. I have begged for understanding, but I have not understood. I don’t like it when others don’t do as I believe they should. But I believe that it is just fine when I do or say as I want without thought to what effect it may have on someone else.
We all have scars, and we all carry pain from the past and the present and the pain that each and every one of us carries is no less important than the others. It is just different because we are different. Some may not have as many scars as others, but they were just as painful when they were inflicted. It is how we deal with them after they have started to heal is what is important. Do we continually pick at the wound and keep it from healing or do we put a salve on it and leave it alone. As a Christians we need to learn that God will provide a wonderful healing salve if we will just let him apply it. And he will heal our wounds and just like a physical wound heals better with the right care so do those deeper wounds that we carry on the inside.

Life Can Change in a Moment

On the day that Wayne died my life changed. I became a mother without a child. I became a statistic, a number on a list of others whose children had taken their own lives.
I cannot say that I was a good mother. But I did and still do love with all my heart the beautiful little boy with copper colored hair that always had a hug for me. He had a heart that was bigger than he was. And he loved with every ounce of it. He was smart and caring and loved to play pratical jokes on everyone around him.
On the day that he died, I was worrying about Christmas and how we were going to be able to afford presents, and all of the other expenses that seem to come with the holidays. By the end of the day all of that was not important. For my baby was gone and I did not understand why.
I still don't understand why, and I never will in this life. But I know with all my heart that I will see him again one day after my job in this life is finished. There have been days that I wanted to end it all, the pain, the questions, the doubt. But I didn't mostly because I did not want to hurt those I will leave behind as much as I was hurt when Wayne left me.
I am scarred with the scars from a life of mistakes and bad choices and although Wayne's father was one of those mistakes, something beautiful came from it and for that I am forever grateful.

Shortcuts and Consequences

This morning’s devotional was about taking shortcuts. You know the ones that I am talking about. Putting the dish in the sink instead of the dishwasher, Leaving the mail on the table instead of going through it and tossing out the junk mail right then, all of the little things that we don’t do in the name of “not enough time right now”.
It got me to thinking about all of the shortcuts that I have taken and where they got me. I cannot play the piano, because I took shortcuts during my lessons. I am now back in college, because I took a shortcut to adulthood with disastrous results. I have had some great jobs in my life that I walked away from, because I wanted to reach the top of the ladder too quickly.
It has taken me a long time to learn that if it is worth having it is worth working for and worth taking the time to get it right. Taking the time to do a job right will always reward us. This is a lesson that I am learning a little later in life than I would have liked, but I am learning the lesson nonetheless.
My relationship with God is much the same. It is a long process of but in the end if I take the time and build a strong foundation and work my way through it will be stronger and I will be less likely to falter when obstacles are put in my path. I am a work in progress, and I thank God that he is still willing to take the time to complete me.
So my thought for today is that slow and steady might not win the race but you will cross the finish line, and when you do it will be with the knowledge that it was done the right way.