Running on Empty

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength." (Isaiah 40:30-31, NIV)

As I started reading my devotionals this morning, one seemed to speak directly to me. It described my current situation to a "T" running around, so busy with life that there was no time for a much needed spritual refill. I have found that I need more than a weekly visit to God's house to get me through the week. That is where I fill my spritual tank with God fuel. But I also need regular refills through the week. If I don't get those I seem to get mired down in the stress of it all. Especially now that I have gone back to work. Funny how that works, you are stressed out because you aren't working, then you start working and you are stressed even more. I didn't free myself of anything I just shifted it around and added to. So now I not only have to keep house, and all the responsibilities that are associated with that job, I still have the responsibilities that I took on while not working at church, and in my community, pile on top of that family needs, the holidys and all the extra little things associated with them. Then put the cherry of learning a new job and you have my life.
What I have found is that if I can take time each morning to spend a little quiet time with my heavenly father then it helps me to better deal with it all. I look at it as topping off my spritual tank with the necessary fuel to help me deal with the challenges of the day.

Doing the Right Thing

Doing what is right seemed to be the theme for my devotionals this morning. One talked of the holidays and newlyweds figuring out how to share time with both families during the holidays. This was the one that spoke very loudly to me. My extended family is fairly large, six children and eight grandchildren. And I have always enjoyed spending time with them all especially during the holidays. To me it is the big family gatherings that mean the most and make it all, Christmas.
I don’t have children or grandchildren in my home so I cling to those gatherings as if they were a life raft. And I have been somewhat vocal about the desire of my siblings to try and change the day that we all come together to celebrate. Years ago, Carolyn, my stepmother, said I don’t care where you go the rest of the year you will be at my house on Christmas day. Then we all started getting married, and that brought in a whole new twist, the in-laws. Of course they wanted their children at their house on Christmas day too. So what happened Carolyn caved and we started celebrating at different times of the month of December. At first this was fine with me, but as the celebration started getting farther and farther away from December 25th I started to get more and more upset. After all this was my only Christmas. Ray’s family is for the most part all gone so spending time with them is not an option. And to be honest Ray is not “into” Christmas like I am. So the very idea of spending Christmas day alone at home, just the two of us is pretty dismal. So I started complaining and grousing about our family being just as important as the families of everyone else and why did our family have to be the one to compromise. I even thought about boycotting the family Christmas just to show them. But the only one who would really be affected by this would be me. So did I want to as my grandmother would say “cut off my nose to spite my face? No, I truly love being in the middle of that chaotic celebration.
So I am trying to “do the right thing” and be sensitive to the needs of others, even though it is difficult at times. We all have a tendency to put self first, but I am also learning that there is truly joy in doing what is right and dealing justly with others as the scripture says.

Wait for the Miracle

If I ever doubted that God works miracles then all doubt was erased yesterday. On December 5th 2008, I returned from lunch to the law office where I had worked for more than 4 years, to find a letter terminating my employment on my desk. There had been warning of this event and there was no explanation as to why. Suddenly I had no job. Two months prior to this my husband, Ray, had a heart attack and underwent quadruple bypass surgery. So that meant he was not physically able to work. Normally I would have panicked, but something told me that everything would be ok. Now don’t get me wrong, there was a moment of terror, but it didn’t last. I knew that if I would trust in my Heavenly Father all would be ok.
So like a child I turned to my parent and said please take care of us and he did. Things have not been easy, and there have been times that I wondered how I was going to pay all of the bills. But the really funny thing is that I was able to pay the bills on time, and that had not always been the case. One time in particular when I was trying to figure out how to juggle everything there was a knock on the door. There stood a man that I know, I can’t say that he is exactly a friend, but just someone that lives in the same small town that we do, and he handed me a one hundred dollar bill. He and his wife had been talking and they thought we might need it. That one hundred dollars was exactly what I needed to get everything paid that month. I knew then that God used his children here on earth as angels.
Over the past two years I have sent out resumes, and I have gone on interviews, a few times I was even called back for a second interview, but no offers. I was either over qualified, or under educated. Thanks to another friend, I was able to work in a local tax office from January to April 15th of each year, and the rest of the time I was on unemployment.
This is the last week of my unemployment benefits, and I already knew that I had work beginning in January. I was scheduled to do my tax training on Friday of this week. But now I don’t have to. My miracle happened yesterday. I received a job offer with what I believe is a very good company, run by Christian people. I had gone on the first and second interviews and I really felt good about it, the only drawback was the starting salary. Now don’t get me wrong, any salary is a good salary when you aren’t working. But we all have responsibilities and I knew how much I needed to make to meet them. The offer was for the amount that I knew I needed, I didn’t ask for it, but it was provided. Now to me that is a miracle. So I start on Monday and I am looking forward to a long and satisfying relationship with this company and its owners. I have finally learned that if I will have faith and let him do things in his time it will be worth it.

Take Time for Rest

As I read my daily devotional this morning, it seemed as if the writer were speaking directly to me. In fact I think she may have been me. The topic was about not getting enough rest and not sleeping.

Lately I have been running around like mad trying to get what seems like a million things done. And I can't let anyone down so I agree to take on whatever project I am asked to do. I am trying to study for finals,yes I am in school, then there are special services at church, special services at friends churches that I want to attend, my mother wants me to help decorate, and all the while I wonder when I am going to do my own decorations and I can't forget the baking and the candy making. Do you see what I mean?

There is just not enough time to get it all done. But I also realized that even if I were given more hours in the day, I am only one person and I cannot physically do it all. In fact after going nonstop for almost two weeks, God ordered a mandatory rest period, a sinus infection that forced me to stop and rest. So now what do I do? I have lost even more time and the list did not get shorter.

I have to decide what to cross off the list, and not do. But most importantly, I have to realize that even if I don't get it all done, I am not a failure, just human. So I may not get my own Christmas tree up this year, but spending time with my mom decorating at her house will be much more enjoyable and memorable.

So don't wish for more time, because having more hours in the day would only prove to make you more exhausted. Do what you can and the rest will work out.

Holiday Sadness

As I mentally check off one more item on my long list of “to do’s” I ask myself if this is really how I should be preparing for Christmas. Each year I haul down the boxes of decorations, and work for days filling every nook and cranny of the house with things that say Christmas. But do they really say Christmas, or is it my futile attempt to force festiveness into my world? I used to say that all the decorating was to get me in the mood for the holiday. But I think it is really more of a mask to cover the real mood. I have tried for years to force feed myself a huge meal of Christmas joy and happiness. The overall belief was that if I covered every available space with garland and lights that maybe the sadness would be covered as well.
I have planned and executed parties for housefuls of guests, cooking, cleaning and of course decorating. But after it was all over the sadness and emptiness returned like some unwanted guest that refused to leave. No matter how busy I kept myself, and no matter how much money I spent it was always there.
Those that know me may equate these feelings of sadness with the loss of my son. And yes, that does amplify it a great deal. But honestly those feelings were there before Wayne died. Growing up I always saw Christmas as a magical time, a time when dreams could come true and wishes were granted. I still wanted to believe in Santa Claus after I was all grown up. I finally understand that there is no Santa Claus, but there is someone much more wonderful than even Santa. Someone that I can depend on no matter what date is on the calendar. And the most special gift of all has already been given and it didn’t matter if we were naughty or nice. The only requirement for receiving it is that we ask for it.

Have We Forgotten the Real Reason for the Season?

Christmas is the time that we should celebrate the birth of Jesus. He is the reason for the season, not the presents, food, or the parties. We seem to have forgotten this most important reason. It has become a time for the retailers to make their profit for the year, and children look forward to receiving all the gifts on those long lists they have given to Santa. We stress about how we are going to fit it all in, when we should be rejoicing in the birth of our savior.
It is also a time of sadness for many, and I hear it said by some that they will be glad when it is all over. And I know personally that it can be a very sad time, a time of year that the loss of a loved one is magnified. But we must move on and rejoice in knowing that those loved ones are with God and that we will see them again one day. To me life would be meaningless and not worth living without that belief.
It is my prayer for everyone to live everyday as if it were Christmas, and rejoice in God’s love each and every day. Who says that we can only have turkey and dressing at Thanksgiving, and the only time of year I can eat coconut pie is Christmas. And the only time of year that we visit long forgotten relatives is between Thanksgiving and Christmas. If we could live our lives as if every day were a holiday just imagine how wonderful it might be. I don’t mean the decorations or the presents. But the wonder and love that comes with celebrating the birth of our savior.

Friendships

We all like to think that we know and understand ourselves, and many believe that they know their friends and some even study their “enemies”. But the only one who truly knows us from the inside out is God. We try to impress others with our things, and good deeds. But the best way to impress is to live a godly life and follow the teachings of the Bible.
We develop and cultivate friendships based on what is in it for us. How can this person help me in reaching my goals? And so many times once they have outlived their usefulness we leave them by the wayside.
I watch a lot of television, much of it is reality TV. And from watching this reality I have seen one underlying theme. The ends justify the means. Week after week these people will lie, scheme and backstab all in the name of “the game”. They will go before the camera, and state that this is not who I really am, but I am doing it for the game. If you are willing to do whatever it takes on national television, then I have no doubt that you will do the same thing when millions are not looking. What has happened to Do unto Others as You Would Have Done unto You? Our society has become so desensitized and to this type of behavior, that it is becoming accepted as normal and correct.
I know that I am rambling, but I think what I am trying to say is that we should treat others as we want to be treated, and we should make friends for the sake of having friends.