Roots

Growing up I dreamed of the kind of house that I would live in when I was old, you know in my twenties. The kind of home that I wanted changed from year to year. There was the time that I wanted a ranch house, with lots of horses roaming around. Then after reading “Gone With the Wind”, I wanted my own Tara. But I have come to realize that it wasn’t the house that I craved but a home. I wanted a place that I could call my own, where I could feel safe and free to be myself.
We were never homeless in the sense that we had nowhere to live, but in another sense I was homeless. I have anywhere that I belonged. To some degree I had that while living with my grandparents, but I was always reminded that my room was not really my room. It was actually my Uncle’s or my Aunt’s. And I was merely a “guest” passing through.
The farm that my grandparents lived on has been in my family for many generations and my roots are there. And I finally have a home that is mine. As an adult I have not traveled a lot, I hate to move I like to settle in and stay. This I am sure comes from being moved around a lot as a child. But I have come to realize recently that it wasn’t the building that I was yearning for, but the feeling of security that comes with it. When I am here I know that I am in my safe haven, with someone who loves me and cares for me. I can shut out the world and the chaos that goes with it and be myself.
No one can kick me out of my bedroom, or make me feel like a visitor or an outsider. This is not just a house, it is my home. I also know that it would not matter where this building is, or how big it is, as long as there is love within, it will always be home. I am so thankful to God for bringing my husband, Ray into my life. He has allowed me to be me, no excuses, no apologies. He loves me and I love him. We do not always see eye to eye and in many ways we are total and complete opposites. But together we work. We respect each other, and protect each other. I will argue when I disagree with him, but I will defend him to anyone that tries to do him harm, as he will for me. It is funny how our roots can be in one place but our hearts are somewhere else.